The Beginning

Welcome to the Heckermacher Honeymoon blog - where the Heckermachers recount their magical, romantical journey through Thailand for those who generously helped fund it as a wedding gift (and anyone else who expresses even the tiniest modicum of interest).

Happy Heckermachers on their wedding day. 

    Thanks so much to those who contributed to the Heckermacher Honeyfund! And if you didn't, it's cool, you can get us next time. (We kid. There won't be a next time. Heckermachers mate for life.) For those of you still waiting on thank-you notes, they are so totally coming. We swear. We started on them, but then life got in the way.

In November, exactly two days after the Heckermachers had purchased plane tickets, Anna lost her job in a round of unexpected and sweeping layoffs (thanks, Comcast/NBC). Instead of booking hotels and scheduling tiger-snuggling sessions, she spent the following weeks hunting down connections and scheduling interviews.

By mid-December, she'd landed a new job with a sexier-sounding title (albeit a longer commute) as Associate Copy Director for Hearst Magazines' Digital Media Group. Between her new job and the myriad freelance projects she'd taken on in a post-layoff panic, she was too busy to do any vacation planning, so Tim the Enchanter gallantly stepped in and took care of the whole thing.

Sunset from the Hearst Tower. 

The result? By the time they left for their honeymoon, Anna hadn't had a proper day off in over two months - and she had only the vaguest sense of what the next two weeks had in store.

The Flight

The Heckermachers were scheduled to leave for Thailand on a Friday evening that conveniently coincided with a massive snowstorm slated to cripple New York City and surrounding areas. The Heckermachers watched anxiously as flight after flight was cancelled - but not theirs. The day before, Qatar Airways called to inform Tim that their flight had been moved from 10 pm to 6 pm in an attempt to avoid the worst of it - later, it was moved up to 4 pm.

By the time the Heckermachers arrived at the airport, the snow was already coming down hard and JFK was nearly deserted, with virtually every other flight cancelled.

But their flight boarded, and the Heckermachers were in for their first treat: business class on Qatar Airways, voted the #1 airline in the world by Skytrax Magazine (yes, that's a thing) in both 2011 and 2012. (Thanks to your generous contributions to airfare and Tim's internet ninja skills, which landed us a seriously reduced rate.)

Look at all that legroom!

The Heckermachers enjoyed fine champagne, fully reclining seats, a restaurant-worthy three-course meal (ordered from an actual menu!) and (no lie) complimentary pajamas. Anna, who had been frantically wrapping up work projects until the minute she boarded the plane, also enjoyed a long-ass nap. 

Treats in the Doha airport.

Two flights (13 and 7 hours, respectively) and one 7-hour layover in Doha (it's the capital of Qatar - we didn't know either), they arrived dazed and confused in the city of Bangkok.

Day 1: Bangkok

The Heckermachers arrived in Bangkok early Sunday morning. They checked into their hotel, the Shangri-La, where they were greeted with fresh fruit (including longans and dragonfruit) and paid a rather-too-long visit by the hotel's concierge, who showed them several places to visit in Bangkok. 

After breakfast, the exhausted Heckermachers wandered out to explore their hotel's neighborhood, Bang Rak. It was Chinese New Year and the largely Chinese neighborhood was quiet, with many shops shut down. After making a large, bleary-eyed circle, the Heckermachers found themselves back at their hotel, where they valiantly fought the urge to nap.

On their way back down to the hotel lobby for Bangkok Excursion: Part II, they were rewarded with a glimpse of a Chinese New Year procession featuring men in man costumes (see photo), a frisky red dragon, and a giant (and incredibly loud) gong.

Men in man costumes

Energized by the experience, they boarded a river ferry and headed for the Grand Palace and Temple of the Emerald Buddha. Though overrun with tourists, both were magnificent.

Smart Anna is happy she wore long sleeves and a skirt to visi the Temple. Proper attire is mandatory.

Magnificent Temple is Magnificent.

Warrior statues glower fiercely at the hordes.

Tim poses in front of a jade facade.

Elephant statues guard a spirit house. 

After touring the Grand Palace, the Heckermachers hopped the river ferry back to their hotel. They passed the majestic Wat Arun, another popular Bangkok temple, on the way.

Wat Arun with longboat in the foreground.

Another view of Wat Arun. 

But they were too tired to stop.

In fact, after their first taste of Thai Massage in a nearby spa, they were too tired for anything - even dinner. Even thought it was only 8 pm, the exhausted Heckermachers fell into bed. Perhaps it's a good thing they did. They had a big day coming up!

Day 2: Waterfalls in Kanchanaburi

At 6 am the next day, the Heckermachers were met in the lobby of their hotel by Uzi of Mellow Trek,

who would be their personal guide for the next two days.

Thai people, they discovered, have long formal names that appear on their birth certificates - however, when they're young, each gets a nickname (or "Playa name," as Tim called it) that becomes their moniker for life.

Uzi drove for three hours (with one stop at one of the ubiquitous 7-Elevens that are all over Thailand, where they purchased sweet iced coffee from a machine and crab pizza wrapped in cellophane), until they reached the historic mountain town of Kanchanaburi. From there, they entered Erawan National Park, home to the 7-tiered Erawan Waterfall.

Not Photoshop! Actual turquoise water!

"Yay! Waterfalls!"

There's more to see... keep climbing.  

Each of the seven tiers was exciting in its own way. In one, exotic fish came to nibble on their toes.

Apparently, this is considered a luxury exfoliating treatment, and is offered in spas around the country. 

Like this one in Chiang Mai. 

Having a personal guide meant that they Heckermachers got special, insider-only knowledge about the waterfalls...like which ones had built-in waterslides. 

Natural waterslide POV cam

The Heckermachers swam and played like baby otters while Uzi patiently waited, took pictures, and chatted with other guides. The top tier was a super-high waterfall. The small pool at the bottom was packed and the Heckermachers were already wet and happy, so they skipped the dip. 

After a lunch of authentic pad thai (which, it turns out, is not "Americanized" Thai food), papaya salad, and fresh fruit, Uzi took them to their home for the evening: a floating bungalow in a national park along the River Kwai. 

First the crossed the river: 

Then they went down a slope...

Finally, they were home sweet home.

Just across the river, there was a magnificent waterfall:

Throughout the afternoon, longtail boat-towed floating cafes pulled right up to it. 

Some of them were full of Russians. Of all the cultures the Heckermachers came across in Thailand, Russian men won the award for "tiniest bathing suits". 

As the sun began to sink behind the river banks, it was finally the Heckermachers' turn to take a floating cafe to the waterfall. The guides hooked their front porch up to a longboat, and off they went.

They paddled around in ill-fitting lifejackets. 

And bathed in the waterfalls.

Before being welcomed back to their floating cafe with a nice, cool Chang beer. 

After all that hiking, swimming, and playing, the Heckermachers sure were hungry. Fortunately, dinner was being prepared for them right across the river. As the sky turned dark, a longboat arrived packed with chicken curry, rice, and veggies. 

Sleepy, buzzed, and deliriously happy, the Heckermachers turned in shortly after 8 pm for another early night. They had to be up before daybreak to make the morning program at the Tiger Temple, and they wanted to be well-rested. 

Day 3: Tiger Temple

This was the morning they'd been waiting for. The Heckermachers were so excited (and, perhaps, still somewhat jetlagged) that they woke at 4 am and couldn't get back to sleep. (The world's most vocal gecko had absolutely nothing to do with it.)

Floating bungalows before sunrise. 

Our first task at the Tiger Temple was to offer breakfast to the Buddhist monks who live there and care for the animals.

After putting food in their bowls, we did a special bow called a Wai (shown above - only monks get a thumbs-on-forehead Wai). Anna had to be careful not to accidentally touch the monks when putting food in their bowls, as it's forbidden for them to touch women. 

Uzi explained to us that most monks only practice for a few months or years, rather than a lifetime. It's considered a great honor to one's family to become a monk, and requires a donation to the monastery from the family. If the family can't afford it, the community throws a fundraiser. While we were in Kanchanaburi, we passed a parade going down the road where everyone was celebrating and making noise: this, Uzi told us, was in celebration of a young man's becoming a monk. 

After feeding the monks, it was time to feed the tigers. 

And snuggle the tigers....

And walk the tigers...

And wash the tigers...

Even big kitties don't like baths very much.

And feed the tigers some delicious chicken...

"Thank you, that was scrumptious."

Then, it was playtime. Meaning, the Heckermachers got in a big play area with a bunch of large, rambunctious, one-year-old tigers and stood in a line shaking giant cat toys at them. Yes, this happened. Pics below prove it. 

"Nom nom nom, delicious plastic bag."

"Must....have...."

Pounce!

Heroic acts of athleticism.

Kitteh!

Tiger pile-up.

The tiniest tiger. Just kidding, that's a baby squirrel.

Then it was time to walk a really big tiger.

And snuggle with one...

And finally, Really Big Tiger Playtime. The Heckermachers were behind a fence for this - apparently, playing with Really Big Tigers is for professionals only.

"I can haz cheeseburger?"

"Whatever, guy with stick. I'm a TIGER."

"I am the boss of you."

Essentially, visiting the Tiger Temple was the best thing that ever has or ever will happen to the Heckermachers. Anything else good that happens in their lives is just icing on the tiger cake.